Legacy

Looking back to the events that time permitted me to retain. I reflect on certain events, saddened by my accomplishments. I was once an excelling student, competing with foreigners; unfortunately my mind lost the battle. Transferring from one school to another, moving from place to place, the stigma that though I meet a lot of people, I found no purpose in making friends, and gradually became untrusting that compelled me to withdraw to a corner. There I sat for a long time, watching people come and go, getting to understand their personality through their movements. Perhaps, life is not as sad as it looks, just go beyond the borders.

To face the future, I first want to tell my story, the legacy that defines me. Don’t laugh, it’s embarrassing as it is. Returning back, I entered High School, and started making friends, from a small backstabbing group, I got tired and moved to wider society, where I found refuge, bitter happiness and the unforgettable stupidity that defines a teen. I was happy, but the pressure that prom brought tested the groups stability, friends fighting over a girl that will soon dump them, scars were made that would remind all of us the pain love brings. Months pass, a year has ended and the fissures the turmoil brought never abated.

After a while, I left the group yet having occasional appearances; to pursue someone; I tried to show my affection, I felt nothing in return, for some reason I held on, and again time continues to pass by. During such times I neglected the feelings of another girl, not knowing her face but with mere assumptions, with the flashing of lightning I saw her, far beautiful than then the first. I broke her heart, if that wasn’t enough I wanted to crawl to her life, and see if she still had feelings for me, I guess not, there was a guy by her back. I felt stupid, damn.

So I returned to the comfort of my friends, more than a year has passed, and thank you for welcoming me back. They have grown, I won’t elaborate any further, this is my story after all. We developed new quotations such as “tara swimming”, “huwag na tayo pumasok”, and other private stuff, hey, I have the right against self incrimination. As comedy as it is but the sight of sober hearts is a well-spring of stronger bonds, remorse, expressions, curses and other everyday events we just want to say, but of course when all is well there is the timeless acts of teasing, about the day before.

Within this circle I found what is to be my true friends, and blackmailing snitches. I continue to grow but my body weakens, and news come making me conclude of my untimely death, than what I originally predicted. I won’t sulk over it, I still have many years to come, the future is for me to make after all. My chosen career seems to be a mismatch to my latent talents, and for numerous accounts have I been questioned over it. My heart and body won’t seem to let go, well that’s reality for you.

To be remembered is what I dream of, though sorry if after a couple of years and we meet and I won’t recognize you. Sorry, but let this be my legacy, the ideals I have incorporated within my words, the experiences I’ve felt to let others know the feeling and the value of being remembered.

As I near to end my essay, I’ll continue living for this is not my last will, but merely the prologue to what may be a better, fuller story. This might not even be true, and any minute I’ll wake up, any second now. Or the events may have never happened, but merely distortions created within the core of my intellect to escape the torments of my shattering identity.

So what if I’m psychotic, dying yet young, aren’t we all? These last paragraphs may not add up, but I’m putting into writing everything that comes to mind, never mind my grammar, I just want everything out. Hey, besides its a free country , for me as long as I’m not hurting anyone, than the deed is fine, for as long as everyone is happy. That’s all for now, I’ll try making a sequel if ever I get the chance, I still haven’t reached the legacy that I want to leave behind. Let’s save it for later, and slowly build up another story that will be better than this.

Ohaa, anong meron?

Nguyen